These are some of the things that people tell Cruse they find helpful - you may have other ideas which will be based on what you know of yourself or about someone you are trying to help. If you are helping don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. We can all help someone cope with the pain and help them feel they are not alone. If you are bereaved some of these ideas may be of help to you:

'I appreciated the letters people wrote, knowing they were thinking about me and Susan, who died'

'I wanted to talk over and over again. I talked to my family, to my friends, anyone who would listen. I wanted them to understand how I was feeling, I wanted them to help me remember'

'I wanted people to say they knew what had happened, not avoid it or pretend they didn't know'

'I needed someone to tell me what to do about the funeral, how to organise a memorial service and what money I could claim'

'I wanted time off work, only a couple of days at the beginning, but his birthday and our anniversary were really hard and my boss let me have extra days off'

'Sometimes I needed to be busy but other times it was great when people offered to help'

'I kept some special things that remind me of good times we spent together'

'I realised that this was one time I couldn't cope on my own and I learned to accept help. When I felt I needed more than my family and friends could manage I talked to a Cruse volunteer'